Depression...and then some

It is estimated 19 million American adults suffer from depression.

Depression....yes I suffer from it, I have for years and years. It runs in my family, my mother and father suffer from it, as well as my younger sister. We are all on antidepressants, various kinds. My mother's seems to be the worst, she has tried to take her life more than once as a result. Thank God she seems to be on the right combination of medications and has not felt sucidal for years. That's not to say she doesn't struggle, but God is on her side and she doesn't feel suicidal.

There are many symptoms associated with depression. Mine tends to manifest itself in withdrawing from people, hibernating in a way. sadness, loss of interest in activities I usually enjoy, oversleeping or not sleeping at all, fatigue and lack of energy, anxiety and irritability. It feels as though I have no joy in my life.

Many people do not understand depression, they have a tendency to say "snap out of it", or "suck it up". What they don't understand is you just cannot do that. I only wish it was as easy as "sucking it up" but it isn't. I know I have a good life, a wonderful and supportive family, amazing friends, and that should be enough, but when I am sliding into my depression, I can't find joy, happiness, nothing makes me happy.

I've been struggling the last several months with my depression. I think it is in part due to the hysterectomy I had in November and my hormones being out of whack, stress due to the lack of a job for my partner, bills coming in, the price of everything going up...on and on and on. I could keep naming things I know are contributing to my depression.

This time of year does not help either. Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks in. The sunny days, like today, I feel better, but the gloomy days...good luck even getting me out of bed. If I didn't have to work I could lay in bed all day.

I've been feeling so blah of late, unhappy with myself, my weight, my lack of interest in anything. I know what I need to do to pull myself out of this rut, but knowing what needs to be done and actually doing it are two entirely different things. I keep saying I am going to join the gym and start doing water aerobics.
I would love to take a Zumba class. I need, yes need, to get out and socialize, even though I just want to hibernate and be alone in my misery.

Ack.....ramblings...simply rambling on here, not even sure I am making any point whatsoever. Crazy...oh yes......kinda crazy.....but the depressed mind doesn't make a whole lot of sense.